Back in the Day
by Serban Brebenel

Freaky Greeks

Today, it is common knowledge that most ancient Greeks lived openly bisexual lifestyles. They were expected to marry and have children; however another tradition of this society was that ‘respectable’ Greeks were expected to enter erotic and mentoring relationships with young boys, from the ages of around 12 to 18 years old. However obscene this could seem today, this practice was held in high esteem and was considered as a proper means of educating the male youth. We must consider that these relationships were both sexual and educational, as the Greek ideal was the achievement of both physical and mental perfection.

How did this process actually work? Parents sent their boys to the gymnasium to learn how to become warriors, but also to learn how to become well-mannered gentlemen and lovers. It was here that the erastes would come and court the boys. The erastes were some of the most esteemed characters of society. Socrates, Plutarch, Plato (or Xenophon) were some of the most well-known. After courtship, each boy would choose his ‘courter,’ and spend a period of a few years in his mentor’s house. Through intellectual and physical exercises, the boy was taught to appreciate spiritual and physical beauty. In addition, they were taught how to be good lovers.

One must understand that this type of open sexuality was more of a learning process and mostly intergenerational. Other types of homosexual activity were scorned at by society, such as activities between men of the same age, or activities with overly young boys.

It’s Been Rumored That

· Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia in the 18th century, had a particular attraction for the livestock populating her barnyard. Indeed, at one time, a story passed around that she had actually found her death while attempting intercourse with one of her…horses. Rumors said that she was crushed in the act. While there is no proof for or against her ‘zoophil’ attractions, the latter story has been proved to be incorrect: Catherine the Great died of natural causes, actually of a cerebral hemorrhage, in 1796. There is no doubt that she has had a very active sexual life: one of her former lovers, Grigori, would procure young men for her from all ranks, although she actually preferred soldiers from her personal guard.

· John Dillinger, the notorious bank robber, was endowed with an exceptionally large penis. Even more than this, it is supposed to be in the possession of one of the Smithsonian museums in Washington D.C. How was this rumor brought about? Especially seeing that there is no documentary proof that his penis actually had a large size. The rumor goes back to a picture taken on the autopsy table after his death. One of his arms is raised below the covering cloth and it looks like an erect penis. How could John Dillinger have been shot with an erection?…Well, it seems nobody has pondered on this question…

· Napoleon I, Emperor of the French, has had a few sexual encounters with his sister, Pauline. This rumor was probably suggested by Pauline’s lascivious conduct, as well by an affirmation she made to a friend: “I have already slept with my brother twice already”…Well, if she says so. There were no comments from the emperor.

· Adolf Hitler was actually gay! This is quite a recent theory that was put forward as the missing link between the man’s disastrous personal and political legacy. Lothar Matchan sustains this in his recent book, “The Hidden Hitler”. Together with other researchers, he shows that one of the explanations for Hitler’s persecution of homosexuals during the 2nd World War was the need to hide his own past. More evidence in this sense is given by the killing of the openly homosexual storm trooper chief, Ernst Rohm, on the “Night of the Long Knives”, in 1934. Supposedly, Rohm had evidence about Hitler’s own homosexuality and, in order to hide he traces of his past, Hitler had him killed. Some authors give other ridiculous explanations, for example, of the Jewish genocide: supposedly, Hitler had contracted syphilis from a Jewish prostitute during his stay in Vienna. This seems to be, however, rather far fetched. But that is what some rumors actually are…

· Many of the great Italian Renaissance artists were pedophiles. Indeed, Michelangelo, Rafael and especially, Caravaggio, seemed to have had sexual relations with minors. In the case of the first two, evidence is scarce, the preponderant presence of a young boy in many of the latter’s paintings could be an indication that Caravaggio was taking part in such practices.

· France’s Queen Margaret, wife of Henry IV, more currently known as Queen Margot, was a true nymphomaniac. Of course, the movie from 1994, with Isabelle Adjani, puts an accent on this, however, in those days of great debauchery, to be renowned as a nymphomaniac…well, that’s something to brag about.

· Alexander VI, pope at the end of the 15th century and the beginning of the 16th century, had a quite interesting and different relation with his daughter, Lucrezia Borgia. They seem to have had quite a few sexual encounters. In fact, the rumors have spread that incest was a common word in the Borgia family: Alexander’s son, Cesar, also appears to have slept with his sister, Lucrezia. What can we say; rules about sexual conduct did not apply to the pope in those times.

· Empress Maria Teresa thought that she could only be fertile and bear children if she came to an orgasm. Having asked her personal physician Van Sweiten on the matter, he enounced the opinion that children would come if her Majesty’s clitoris would be titillated before coitus. It is not for sure whether or not he Empress took the advice, but she did bear 16 children, and, who knows, may have even enjoyed a good sex life.

· In various countries, feudal lords were given the right to deflower the young virgin bride before she was released to her husband. This was called “the right of the first night” and it seems that sometimes monks held this right. History condemns that the monks of St. Thiodard enjoyed this right over the inhabitants of Mount Auriol.

There is no doubt that

· Charles the 2nd, one of the 4 Romanian kings, who ruled in Romania in the 30’s, suffered from priapism. Priapism is a condition where the male suffers from a permanent erection. Obviously, this is someone any normal male would be worried about, but if you are a royal figure…well, there are more things to worry about. It seems that the Romanian secret services had the mission to select beautiful and “clean” women to be present on the roadside during the king’s visits through the city, that were later chosen to satisfy the monarch’s…disease. Charles had three wives and died in exile in Portugal. He was happily married to the last wife.

· Louis XV, King of France in the 18th century, had a great appetite for sex. Besides many mistresses, in his later days, he had a great interest in younger girls. It seems that some of his conquests were barely 10 years of age when they entered his bed. His famous mistress, Madame de Pompadour, being unable to satisfy his urges, began to choose and bring girls herself for the king’s bedroom. Having seen how he employed most of his time, there is not much doubt why France suffered quite a few defeats during his reign and lost most of its colonies…

· Napoleon Bonaparte had many mistresses during his reign. By his own confessions, he started his sexual life in Paris, with a young prostitute that had been abandoned by a French officer, but later he was quite a sought lover. One must admit that his functions could account for some of his success with the ladies, but many of them later confessed that they found him to be “charming.” Interesting adjective for one of the greatest warriors of all times…Even if he had many mistresses, it seems that his love for his first wife, Josephine, never ended, not even with the latter’s death in 1814. His second wife, Empress Marie Louise, relates that on their first night together, he came to her apartment with an excessive amount of cologne on himself and that she did everything laughing. History doesn’t tell us what she was laughing at…

· The oldest mention of a dildo in the English language can be found in the “The Choice of Valentines or the Merie Ballad of Nash his Dildo”, written by Nash in the 16th century.